We all have moments of doubt. Our worldviews are challenged, our beliefs are torn apart, or our emotions are questioned. These moments can make us feel lost and afraid or frozen where we are, unable to take another step or say another word.
Whether these moments last for days, months, or years, here are eight tools you can use to clear the fog.
1. Talk it Out
There is an amazing scene in the TV show ‘Grace and Frankie’ where Frankie pulls out her phone and ‘vlogs’. All she is doing is talking to her phone about her problems, but it always seems to help. Those scenes always make me laugh because as silly as it seems, there is an important message there.
Talking out your problems, no matter what they are, always, always makes you feel better. Sometimes it leads to big breakthroughs, other times it just lets you dump your bucket. You can talk to your therapist, to your best friend, to your family member, or even to your phone.
No matter what your problem is, the best first step is to talk it out. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Pick someone, or something, to talk to, and just lay it all out on the table. You may be surprised by what comes out.
2. Write it Out
Okay, so you’ve talked it out. You’ve brought the problem to the surface, you’ve aired out your doubts, and, hopefully, you feel a little better. What now?
You may have had a big breakthrough, or you may have realized just how crappy you really feel. No matter what happened when you talked it out, the next step is to write it out. Grab a pen and paper, a computer, a tablet, whatever you feel most comfortable with. Open it up and write it out.
Again, there is no right or wrong way to do this. Just write out every single thing that comes into your head, whether it seems related or good or appropriate or whatever. You will never show this document to anything else, so really let it all out- the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Write for as long as you want. You will know when it’s time to be done. But if you are like me, and function best with a goal or a schedule, shoot for five minutes on the computer or ten minutes by hand. Remember: The goal isn’t to find an answer. The goal is just to get all of your thoughts out in the open, and process anything that came up when you talked it out.
3. Sit with It
After talking it out and writing it out, you will most likely feel pretty worn out. So now is the time to just sit with it. Sit with how you are feeling, and just let it be. If you are feeling pissed off, feel pissed off. If you are sad, be sad. Whatever you are feeling, let it be.
This doesn’t mean you have to sit on a chair wallowing in self-doubt and pity. You can use this time to crochet, drink some tea, watch a movie, or meditate. Anything that helps you refill your energy meter and gives your brain a break from all the work will help.
Many times, when you start to sit down, you get an urge to take a nap, take a shower, take a walk. So, if you don’t know what you want to do, or you don’t feel like doing anything, don’t worry. It will come.
But for now, you’ve worked hard. Go take a break.
4. Take a Moment for Selfcare
This may tie in with the last point, but it is so important that it’s worth an honorable mention.
Selfcare reminds you of three things. First, it reminds you that there is a ‘you’ to take care of in the first place. When we are in the grip of fear and doubt, we often forget that ‘we’ actually exist, much less that we need to be taken care of. Second, it reminds you that you are worthy of being taken care of, whether you believe it or not. Third, it reminds you that, no matter how frozen you feel, you can still do something.
These reminders may not fix the source of your doubt and fear, but they will help you feel better and clearer. So, take a bath, eat some food, read a book, watch a movie, paint your toenails. You could also try my personal favorite: Get in your car, turn on your favorite music and just drive. Whatever you choose to do, taking time for selfcare can work wonders on your perspective.
For some more self-care ideas, check out my board on Pinterest.
5. Make a List
While it may seem redundant, making a list of exactly what you are doubting, or exactly what you are afraid of, sets the healing process in motion. Making a list of your doubts, fears, and questions signals to the Universe that you are open to finding the answer. It also signals that you know you are lost, that you know you need help. Nothing is more powerful than giving the Universe permission to show you the way.
Making a list also gives you a solid document to look at, a summary of everything going on in your head. Not only can you use this list to determine your next steps, you can also come back to it and see how much progress you’ve made on your journey.
The list may not help you answer anything, but it will show you exactly which questions you have. Once you know what you are doubting or fearing, you can start taking the steps towards finding an answer. So, once again, get out your pen and paper or your computer, and write up a list of each and every doubt, fear, or question that is wandering around your head.
6. Make Another List
Now that you’ve figured out what you are doubting, it’s time to figure out what you aren’t doubting. This step will look different for everyone, depending on the situation. Let’s say you are doubting your beliefs about how the world works, and your list of doubts is full of existential questions. Your list of beliefs will include everything your heart knows is true.
If your list of doubts includes that you don’t know exactly which God is the true God, maybe your belief list includes simply that you believe there is a God. If your doubts list includes that you don’t understand the purpose behind everything that goes on in the world, maybe your beliefs list includes that you believe there is a purpose.
Do you see where I am going with this? Your list of beliefs does not need to be rich in detail, it simply needs to be rich in truth. Your truth. Your list may not be large, and it may seem like a tiny amount of certainty compared to the doubt you are facing. But writing out what you believe in shows you that you do believe in something. It gives you a starting point, helps you to remember that not all is lost, and gives you something to hold on to with all your heart as you move on.
So, make your list, write out your beliefs, and then hold onto them with all you have, knowing that your faith is bigger than your fear.
7. Believe in the Truth
This step is extremely important, so listen closely. No matter how far in you are, no matter how gigantic your fears and doubts feel, always remember: The truth is out there. It may not be a universal truth, like 2+2=4, but it will be your truth. The truth that resonates with you, silences your fears, and banishes your doubt.
The Universe is amazing in its ability to guide you to the right thing at the right time, but you first have to decide that the right thing is out there. If your truth did not exist, you wouldn’t be looking in the first place. So don’t be lukewarm. Don’t say you believe the answer is out there but secretly doubt you will ever be satisfied.
Decide with all your heart and soul that the truth is out there and believe that you will find it.
8. Do Something
So. You’ve figured out exactly what you are feeling, what you are doubting, and what you believe in. You have your travel map, your belief that the truth exists. Now it is time to do something. As amazing as the Universe can be, nothing can happen until you take the first step.
You may not feel ready to take that step instantly. It may take you a day, a month, or a year. But when you face doubt and fear, it is your job to start seeking out the answers. The answers that you decided were real in step seven are waiting for you to find them. Just like electricity was always around, it just needed to be discovered, your truth is waiting for you, you just need to look for it.
Go read a book, Google something, talk to people who seem to know things. Pray on it, meditate on it, think on it. Buy something that will help you face your fears or try something new that may answer one of your doubts. Only you know exactly what your questions are. The questions themselves can guide you to the answers, you just have to take the first step.
You already know what to do. So go do it.
As always, remember these things: You are not alone. Have grace with yourself. It will get better. No matter where you are, or what you are experiencing, these things are always true. If you need help, or need someone to talk to, please, email me at isabel@collectivelyquantum.com. If you need a community to lean on, join us on Facebook or on Instagram.
Let’s walk this journey, together.
